There have been tears around here lately. Not from the two year old, from me. I got a job. A full time job. And it's just so damn bittersweet. Sweet because...well, it's a job. We need jobs! Those things you get so you can buy stuff! Yes! Someone picked me out of a whole mess of candidates and offered me a job! Yay! But it's so bitter because this means my stay-at-home mom career is now effectively over. And yes, I realize I am so lucky that I got to do it this long. And yes, I realize that she now gets to be home with Joe for the time being, which is great. And yes, I know that it's a slap in the face to all the moms who don't get to stay home this long with their kids to complain about this...and yet I can't help it. I am just really sad. Sad that I don't get to know her entire day, everything she eats and says and sees and poops and wants and needs and cuddles and hugs. I am going to miss the biggest chunk of her days Monday through Friday, and it stabs me in the heart a little bit every time I think of it.
If I were a better person, a bigger person, I could be so happy that Joe gets to have a turn to be with her now. I could realize that grown-up job time might be a good thing for me, for all of us. I could see the bright side of, Hey, maybe this won't suck after all. But I don't think I am that person quite yet. It might be interesting for a day or two...until I realize this is our new reality and I have to be there every single day. Away from her every single day. I just don't think I am built for this.